So on our way to Deptford for a drink, a friend of mine popped into the Waldron Health Centre at the end of last month to pick up some condoms “extra-large” he tells me (I don’t believe him) “you always have to get an extra size up with NHS johnnys” he continues as he strolls, hood up, into the Centre. Auld Uncle Crawler and I wait in the ‘car park’ discussing what the council should do with the cracked tarmac space outside the practice, we come to the conclusion that one of those mini-Tesco will probably be built taking more money away from local shop owners, I’m confident a permanent late night bouncy castle is a much more sustainable business opportunity. After a bit of people watching ‘Mr Big’ bounces out of the building towards us smiling like he’s just managed to blag 10 quids worth of pick ‘n’ mix from Woolworths. We giggle like school boys at the 12 multi-coloured packs for a while, realise what we are doing and quickly depart for our booze crawl around Deptford.
Two weeks later our good friend ‘extra-large’ returns to the Waldron for some more “I have to top up for freshers week innit!” but on this occasion leaves empty handed. Apparently you can only get 12 free condoms a month from the NHS!? What in the actual fuck? So you can only practice safe sex 3 times a week, the other 4 days you’re cool to do as you please?
If you are single, sex 3 times a week means you are doing something right but 12 condoms isn’t really a lot is it? What about the odd posh one, or the nights where you decide to put one on your head and see how much you can blow it up.
If, for whatever reason, you do need more my advice is to ask your lady friends, girls can get a fuck load just for picking up the pill. If you don’t have any female companions and you’re one of those people that likes to keep thousands of them bulging out of that ‘special’ drawer next to your bed like some sort of weird sexual stamp collector then brag to all your friends about how much action you could get with them all, you can try the other clinics in the area. Links below: